some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Randomize
