I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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