sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
