That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
