I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
