I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize