My liver just broke up with me...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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