Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
