I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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