I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
