I wish I could teleport
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
