You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I need moral support for this bender
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
