Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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