He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
this just has baby written all over it
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
