Taylor Swift is so right about you.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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