So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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