Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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