I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
