Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
