I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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