Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
