She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
