dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just made my gag reflex go away.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
