The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize