dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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