No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
