I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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