Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
