oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
