Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You may now shotgun with the bride
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
