last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
