Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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