just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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