No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
