That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
