I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
