420 ftw
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
