If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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