I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
