He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
