The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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