You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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