i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Sorry about my life...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
