I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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