You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
