oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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