I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
