Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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