I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
