Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
