haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
