Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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