The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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